Midwifery
by scribbles of madness
Summary: There is only one thing that frazzles an Uchiha.


Midwifery

A SasuSaku fanfiction

By screwitall

Summary: There is only one thing that frazzles an Uchiha.

**A/N: And yet the Sasuke torture continues! Who likes how the manga is turning out? It's getting boring. They're not even thinking of the readers who support pairings (hence, us)! I haven't seen Neji in CHAPTERS! I miss him T-T **_**Anyway**_**, I think you'll like this one. Who doesn't like to see Uchiha Sasuke all riled up? This idea struck me as I was watching this scene in **_**Are We There Yet? **_**and I immediately thought, 'hey, more Sasuke torture!'.**

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, I'll have more panels on Killer Bee's raps. Those things are the only ones that keep me entertained in the recent chapters.

* * *

An earsplitting shriek cut through the peaceful silence in Konoha.

"_SASUKE-KUN!_" soon followed after that.

Several villagers shook their head and groaned as the screams went on and on.

"_WHERE THE HELL IS THE HOT WATER?!_"

Today is the day, the people of Konoha concluded, little Aika is born into the

Uchiha family.

"Can you believe it's already been nine months?" Ayame said to her father who was tending to his customers.

Teuchi chuckled. "Since Naruto walked in on them? The boy didn't have the nerve to look at them in the eyes for weeks!"

In Sasuke's apartment, the man himself was running all over the place, heating water, seeing if someone had arrived to help yet and checking on Sakura.

"Sasuke-kun," Sakura called in between gasps.

"What is it?" he panted. He was just at the front door to call for help when she called.

The kunoichi motioned for him to come nearer. "We need a midwife."

"We're going to get to the hospital, okay?" Sasuke said, strongly against the idea of someone who isn't a certified medic deliver their baby.

"It's too late already! We need to deliver the baby _here_!" Sakura shouted.

Sasuke clenched his teeth. "I don't want somebody who isn't even a doctor anywhere near you."

"Stop being so freaking stubborn! We need a midwife and _that's final_!"

Sasuke crossed his arms across his chest. "Hn. We don't have time for your drama. Get up. We're going to a hospital."

With that statement, Sakura looked scandalized. Her mouth hung open in shock and her brow was scrunched up in rage.

"_Drama_?" Sakura hissed. "You _fertilized_ my egg cell, stuck your manhood in me, refused to wear a _goddamn condom _and _you call childbirth drama?!_"

This time, it was Sasuke who took offense. He didn't like how she was talking to him and he certainly didn't like how she just addressed his private part. 'Manhood'? What was that all about? Is his thing now unworthy of being called a penis?

"Sakura," Sasuke growled. "Get up. We are going to the hospital and—"

An agonized scream cut him off. Sakura lurched forward and clutched at her belly. The torn expression on her face made Sasuke wince. Of course, he knew she did that on purpose. Sakura could hold the screams back. She barely shed a tear when Sasori pierced her abdomen with the sword. Still, Sasuke felt guilty about fighting with her as she was in pain.

"Alright, alright!" Sasuke surrendered. "I'll get a midwife."

"No!"

Sasuke sighed. "What now?"

Sakura bit her lip. "Stay here with me."

Sasuke heaved another sigh and walked over to Sakura. He sat down beside her and held her hand, which she gripped as hard as she could.

"Ouch," he deadpanned.

Sakura scoffed. "This isn't as hard as you held my hand when you got that damn curse mark of yours. My hand was asleep for hours."

The former avenger glared at her. He didn't like being reminded of that moment. It reminded him at how he left her even when she stayed by his side through everything.

"Oh, lighten up," Sakura said. "If it makes you feel better, I liked it."

Sasuke grunted. "I should get a midwife now."

A squeeze on his hand told him otherwise.

"Hey, remember that night?" Sakura asked.

Sasuke braced himself. He knew exactly what night she was talking about. She liked talking about it every other day.

"I just want to let you know I got a stiff neck the next morning. All because of you."

Sasuke looked at her, stunned. He was expecting something like 'What did you mean by _thank you_?' or 'Did you stay a little longer before leaving?', but he didn't expect she'd hold him accountable for a stiff neck. "Excuse me?"

"And my head sort of hurt when I woke up," Sakura said before turning to Sasuke and fixing him with a glare. "What the hell did you do? Punch the back of my head?"

"I don't see why I have to tell you that," Sasuke snapped.

Did she even remember she was in labor?

"And a _bench_? _Really_, Sasuke-kun? A bench?"

"You expect me to place you on a bed?"

"It's the _least _you could do!"

"I think placing you on the bench is much more romantic."

"You suck, Sasuke-kun!"

"And your point exactly?"

Sakura gave off another tormented shriek. Sasuke rolled his eyes and decided to shut up from that moment on.

"When Aika's born, I'll tell her that her father is an insensitive jerk who left me for an older man," Sakura said to no one in particular.

"When Aika's born, I'll tell her that her mother is an idiot who refused to deliver her safely," Sasuke countered.

"Don't tell her lies!"

"Don't give her wrong ideas."

"Sasuke-kun, I-I don't know w-what to do!" Sakura suddenly wailed. "Our baby might not be delivered s-s-safely and I'm fighting with you! I'm a terrible person!"

Sasuke was surprised when Sakura buried her face in her hands and started sobbing. He thought that the mood swings only happened when the woman is pregnant and stopped when she's in labor; what's wrong with her?

"I'm not really sure how to do this," Sasuke said, releasing his hold on Sakura's hand. "But I'll try to deliver the baby."

Sakura looked at him through clouded eyes. "Thank you, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke ran downstairs to get the hot water and a cloth towel. Then he got the cleanest kunai he owned to cut off the umbilical cord. He positioned himself in front of Sakura when he came back.

"Sakura, I don't know what I'm doing but…but no matter what happens, I—I love you, okay?" Sasuke said hurriedly.

Sakura stared at the man in front of her, panic-stricken. He sounded as if she's going to die.

Sasuke busied himself in helping Sakura get into the proper position.

"Okay, okay, Sakura, I need you to push, alright?" Sasuke said.

He didn't want it to show in his voice but he was panicking. How the hell would he know how to deliver a _baby_?

"Push!"

"Sasuke-kun, are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"Of course, not! _You're _the medic nin; I was hoping you'd tell me! Push!"

"_I don't know how to do this!_"

"Push! Well, that makes two of us!"

Sakura began to cry again. "Well, we're screwed."

"What you said a while ago…you're not terrible," Sasuke said, trying to get her to calm down. "Annoying but not terrible."

"Thanks," Sakura sniffed.

"SAKURA-CHAN! ARE YOU OKAY? WHERE THE HELL IS SASUKE-TEME?! I'LL RASENGAN HIM ALL THE WAY DOWN TO HELL!"

A brief moment of civility between Sasuke and his wife was interrupted by Naruto.

"Figures," Sasuke muttered under his breath.

The self-proclaimed Rokudaime started walking up the stairs.

"Sakura, she's almost out," Sasuke whispered.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS?" Naruto yelled before walking in the room where Sasuke and Sakura was.

A baby's cry soon filled the room.

"Oh…oh my God," Naruto said weakly before blacking out.

Sasuke held the baby closer to him before wrapping her in a blanket and handing her to Sakura. Then, now that he had done what he thought he'd never do, he followed Naruto and collapsing to the ground with a _thud_.

Uchiha Sasuke became a _midwife_.

Sakura looked at her unconscious husband and smiled warmly.

Perhaps she didn't have to tell their daughter her father was an insensitive jerk after all.

**A/N: This is probably the last of **_**Torture Sasuke Through Fanfictions **_**Saga :) Hm. Somehow, this was way funnier in my head. And the ending turned out fluffy, didn't it? I was thinking that Sasuke was OOC in this one but I wondered if he'd faint if he delivered a baby =)) Also, this is the first fanfiction I had ever done in one sitting. But I didn't like this one. **_**Taking Advantage **_**is my personal favorite. Thanks for reading!**


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